You're crazy, man. I like you......but you're crazy.

This is how social networking ruined my life:

I was somewhat happy with my life. I had this blog that I would update on a somewhat regular basis. It was set to "private," so only my friends and family could view it. Life was simple. And I was productive. I even checked my email.

Then a bunch of people were like, "You should totally get a Facebook!" I didn't even know what "get a Facebook" meant. I scoffed at the idea. "That's stupid," I said.

But then, something monumental happened. I received a call from one of my cousins. "Dude! Is Schmelissa pregnant?" (I've changed her name to protect her identity). Schmelissa is another one of our cousins....one of our very young, not-married, not-even-close-to-being-ready-to-have-a-baby cousins (Sorry Schmelissa). I paused for a moment. I asked, "Where did you hear that?" FACEBOOK! It turned out that someone hijacked her Facebook account and decided to mess with everyone. It totally worked, but that's beside the point. So it was then that I realized I was missing all kinds of stuff! I hate to be left out of stuff! So I gave in and "got a Facebook."

Holy shit! Look at what I've been missing! OMG! That's somebody I knew when I worked at the Dairy Queen when I was 13! What? You want to be friends with me? Of COURSE! We're friends now!! YAY!!!! What's Mafia Wars? There's a bunch of people who want me to join their mafias? How awesome is that!? We're mobsters! HahaHAhaaHahaHaHA!!

I was hooked. I lost hours (months, really) of my life. I forgot I had responsibilities to attend to. I forgot about anyone who wasn't "on my friends list." I even sometimes forgot I had two small children to take care of. "NOT NOW!! Mommy's busy! I'm about to rob this guy real quick. He has it coming. He had the nerve to rob me and he's like two levels below me. What an arrogant asshole."

That went on for a year or two (I lost all concept of time) until I started to get annoyed by Facebook. I would log on in the morning and read the constant, incessant, never-ending whining by those "friends" of mine. "I have to go grocery shopping. Bleh. This sucks."

Facebook is crazy. I like it, but it's crazy. I'm ready to reclaim my life. That's what this blog is all about. I want to write again. The other (very squeaky clean) blog is still going to be updated, but this one is for me, by me, and I make no excuses for my occasional use of the "F" word.